Theme from Dr. Doolinen

Theme from Dr. Doolinen

If I could talk to the fab-uh-rics,
Learn their dialects,
I could have an endless bolt of fun
If I could ramble on in Rayon,
Prattle on in Paisley
What a crazy-quilt life would become!

If I could talk to the fab-uh-rics,
Learn their dialects,
Find all sorts of textile texts to love
I’d know the patter of the patterns
I’d swagger with the swatches
Matching nouns and adjectives like gloves

I could converse with calicos and flannels
I could rehearse the curtains on the stage
I could write verse to velour-covered panels
Dine out with denims my own age!

If I could speak with the fab-uh-rics,
Learn their rhetoric,
I would be a man of silken words
I could get chummy with the chamois,
Spout nuances in Nylon,
Fluent in all sorts of velvet verbs

I’d carry on with corduroys and cottons,
A paragon of pleasant, pleated prose
I could spin yarns while mumbling in Muslin
Follow the thread of herringbones!

If I could chat with the fab-uh-rics,
Learn the rudiments,
I could call my laundry on the phone
If I could sweet-talk college sweaters,

A man of felted letters,

Polyglot of all polyesters ...

Then they might talk ... to ... me!