It’s Plausible That Implausible Things Happen

IT’S PLAUSIBLE THAT IMPLAUSIBLE THINGS HAPPEN
the quotable Jonathan Caws-Elwitt

We invited the Beavers out to dinner. Unfortunately, they were busy.

I tried out one of those products that cleans your oven while you sleep. But I woke up in the middle of the night and the oven got dirty again.

I recognized my friend the lawyer from across the room and gave her the “hi” sign. She saw me and waived her fee.

I told her she was behaving like a prima donna, and I would not play shoe to her argyle sock.

I said boo to the goose, who hissed me in return. Everyone's a critic.

The lid came off with an inaudible pop.

My dance teacher said I moved like a sack of potatoes. I had to laugh when, later that year, an actual sack of potatoes took three Tony awards.

I knew a philosopher who was so well coordinated that she could chew gum and not chew gum at the same time.

I bought a canister of “quick oats.” But it’s been weeks now, and they still haven’t finished being oats.

We just took a trip to Philadelphia. And, sure enough, when we got home we were full of delphia.

News from eBay: Tinker’s-cuss prices soar in collector frenzy.

We went to London on our vacation, and we had a metric ton of fun.

Our hotel was also hosting a luggage convention, so the place was totally packed.

Our nearest neighbor, half a mile away, is a sow. Still, it’s amazing how often we get her mail.

I paid top ramen for those noodles!

The firm was very impressed with my résumé. So ... they gave the job to my résumé.

The mysterious object proved to be a small piece of laundry that had been separated from the mother load.

On the last day of the semester, all the teachers would just show movies. Except in film class, where the teacher would read us a book.

I went to Disney’s “interactive cosmetology” website and gave Minnie a complete mouseover.

Our morning forecast today included a wind advisory. And sure enough, as soon as I stepped outside, the wind started making unsolicited suggestions.

Although the professor was nearly eighty, he retained the energy and exuberance of a man of half his intelligence.

On the sidewalk outside the club, one of the comedians was breaking up the ice.

I tried to front-load my backlog, but I got sidetracked.

The airline had lost my luggage, and I was unable to unpack all the emotions this stirred up.