Shmuts on My Pants

Shmuts* on My Pants
after “Dust in the Wind”

I shift my thighs
Only for a moment, but my napkin’s gone
Flights of wine
Splash upon my slacks at high velocity

Shmuts on my pants
Now I have this shmuts on my pants

A sip goes wrong
Several drops of chowder dot my trouser knees
Then Roquefort bleu
Crumbles on my lap of pleated salad leaves

Shmuts on my pants
Now I have more shmuts on my pants

My meal lives on
Nothing lasts forever like a greasy stain
The check’s been paid
But that money won’t a good dry cleaning buy

Shmuts on my pants
Now I have this shmuts on my pants
Shmuts on my pants
Always there is shmuts on my pants

*This spelling of shmuts per David C. Gross, English-Yiddish/Yiddish-English Dictionary, expanded ed., romanized (New York: Hippocrene, 1995).